Some women in this world are meant to have 3,4,5,6, heck, a dozen children and balance it VERY VERY well. One grandma of mine had five, my other grandma had three, my mom also had three. SO, when I knew I wanted to have children, I thought two, maybe three would be just fine. BUT, after having my first, I sometimes question myself and say, "Why would I do this over again!?!" Some days I even wonder why I was meant to have a child if I have such little patience for the one I have been blessed with! God only gives us what we can handle right? Well, He sure had faith in me when he gave me CHARLIZE! My beautiful, healthy baby girl, who- (oh why not make a list!)
- cried majority of the day for whatever reason I could never seem to figure out why
- would not allow you to put her down, she always had to be held.
- she would not sleep on her back and the minute you tried to put her on her back, she instantly woke up and screamed.
-she didn't nurse very well and most times ended up pulling and tugging at me but not getting enough milk
-she wouldn't sleep in her crib
-she wouldn't sleep in her carseat. she actually hated her car seat and would SCREAM like she was dying whenever she was in it.
-she woke up every hour if not on the hour throughout the day, leaving me with no time for rest.
-I had to sleep with her on my belly because she wouldn't sleep otherwise
-I learned to wear her, wrapped in a cloth and tied around me just so I could get things done in the day and have a free hand or two.
-I learned how to swaddle her, rock her, and using either the swing or bouncer seat with the vibration on, was I then able to get at least a consecutive 3-4 hours of sleep at a time.
-I would put her to sleep, dead asleep in her bouncer, swaddled, and the minute I put her down, she would instantly wake up again, only for me to repeat the cycle of rocking her again.
-I didn't go many places and was tethered to the house most days because she hated her car seat and fussed in public when I did go out.
.....
Then...after 8-9 months, I saw my prayers were finally answered. Charlize started to sleep through the night, in her crib, (which took some weeks of coaxing) and eventually we switched to a forward facing carseat, and started eating more solids, etc. I finally made it through and was actually enjoying my motherhood experience!!!
NOW..we are into the toddler years (14 months and counting)!!!!!!!!!. I jumped one hurdle only to hit another one that I can't get over. It's the pre-terrible 2's. The fussy, ALL day tantrums, the fake cries, the constant need for attention, running around, tearing up everything in sight phase!!! You tell her "NO" and she fusses. You give her food, she refuses, you take her out, she cries. Put her in the car- two minutes down the road, she screams.
I CAN"T WIN! Again, I say, HOW was I ever blessed with such a headstrong, hard kid??? She has spirit, spunk, charisma, personality, is HAPPY most of the time, and SMART as a whip, but man oh MAN is she a lot for me to handle!! Most of my motherhood experience has been joyous, but its days like these past few (weeks too) that are just PURE exhaustion, I can't fathom having another, in fear of a repeat of #1 (with the list I just went through)
I have been finding small comforts lately in finding other mommies out there that have the same kind of baby I do. In conversations and social circles, I find them and when I do, I sigh a small sigh of relief!!I'm not alone! In my moments of hardship with my own, I sometimes felt so alone, but now that I have managed to jump that hurdle, I find other mommies who also jumped that same hurdle with their kid.
I sometimes get VERY VERY annoyed with those mom's that just have the "perfect baby". Their baby slept through the night at 2 months old, hardly cried, was an angel in the carseat, stroller, etc. They were easy to take on long car trips because they would sleep, they were just...perfect! They were the ones that you would see fully rested, well kept, and always happy. They would tell you all the time that they were "loving motherhood!" I wanted to strangle those moms because they didn't know half of the crap I was going through and probably would NEVER experience it! It would make me jealous and even more upset!
So, anyway...as I continue to write, I am losing track of my point. ahh...Motherhood! It's not for the FAINT at HEART! Those mom's that have had the tough kiddos, my virtual "HI-5" to you! WE women are making it....one day at a time. I am surviving with some help of medicine (have to admit when you need that help), the occasional wine at night to calm the nerves, one activity that brings joy, and finding time to laugh!!!
Sometimes when my toddler throws her tantrums, her hissies, her fake cries, and the like, I find rather than beat it, join in. Screaming right along with her is crazy and funny! Drowning her noise out with my own song and dance and stupidity usually helps me get through it, rather than waste the energy getting pissed off..and adding to my already graying hair!!!!!
. This job called Motherhood is DAMN exhausting! Too bad we don't get paid the big bucks for an honest hard days work!
