Motherhood...__________________________! (fill in the blank)

Motherhood...__________________________! (fill in the blank)

 Some women in this world are meant to have 3,4,5,6, heck, a dozen children and balance it VERY VERY well. One grandma of mine had five, my other grandma had three, my mom also had three.  SO, when I knew I wanted to have children, I thought two, maybe three would be just fine. BUT, after having my first, I sometimes question myself and say, "Why would I do this over again!?!" Some days I even wonder why I was meant to have a child if I have such little patience for the one I have been blessed with! God only gives us what we can handle right? Well, He sure had faith in me when he gave me CHARLIZE! My beautiful, healthy baby girl, who- (oh why not make a list!) 
- cried majority of the day for whatever reason I could never seem to figure out why
- would not allow you to put her down, she always had to be held.
- she would not sleep on her back and the minute you tried to put her on her back, she instantly woke up and screamed. 
-she didn't nurse very well and most times ended up pulling and tugging at me but not getting enough milk
-she wouldn't sleep in her crib
-she wouldn't sleep in her carseat. she actually hated her car seat and would SCREAM like she was dying whenever she was in it. 
-she woke up every hour if not on the hour throughout the day, leaving me with no time for rest. 
-I had to sleep with her on my belly because she wouldn't sleep otherwise
-I learned to wear her, wrapped in a cloth and tied around me just so I could get things done in the day and have a free hand or two. 
-I learned how to swaddle her, rock her, and using either the swing or bouncer seat with the vibration on, was I then able to get at least a consecutive 3-4 hours of sleep at a time. 
-I would put her to sleep, dead asleep in her bouncer, swaddled, and the minute I put her down, she would instantly wake up again, only for me to repeat the cycle of rocking her again. 
-I didn't go many places and was tethered to the house most days because she hated her car seat and fussed in public when I did go out.  
.....
Then...after 8-9 months, I saw my prayers were finally answered. Charlize started to sleep through the night, in her crib, (which took some weeks of coaxing) and eventually we switched to a forward facing carseat, and started eating more solids, etc.  I  finally made it through and was actually enjoying my motherhood experience!!!

NOW..we are into the toddler years (14 months and counting)!!!!!!!!!.  I jumped one hurdle only to hit another one that I can't get over.  It's the pre-terrible 2's.  The fussy, ALL day tantrums, the fake cries, the constant need for attention, running around, tearing up everything in sight phase!!!  You tell her "NO" and she fusses.  You give her food, she refuses, you take her out, she cries. Put her in the car- two minutes down the road, she screams.

I CAN"T WIN! Again, I say, HOW was I ever blessed with such a headstrong, hard kid??? She has spirit, spunk, charisma, personality, is HAPPY most of the time, and SMART as a whip, but man oh MAN is she a lot for me to handle!!  Most of my motherhood experience has been joyous, but its days like these past few (weeks too) that are just PURE exhaustion, I can't fathom having another, in fear of a repeat of #1 (with the list I just went through)

I have been finding small comforts lately in finding other mommies out there that have the same kind of baby I do.  In conversations and social circles, I find them and when I do, I sigh a small sigh of relief!!I'm not alone! In my moments of hardship with my own, I sometimes felt so alone, but now that I have managed to jump that hurdle, I find other mommies who also jumped that same hurdle with their kid.

 I sometimes get VERY VERY annoyed with those mom's that just have the "perfect baby". Their baby slept through the night at 2 months old, hardly cried, was an angel in the carseat, stroller, etc.  They were easy to take on long car trips because they would sleep, they were just...perfect! They were the ones that you would see fully rested, well kept, and always happy.  They would tell you all the time that they were "loving motherhood!" I wanted to strangle those moms because they didn't know half of the crap I was going through and probably would NEVER experience it! It would make me jealous and even more upset!

So, anyway...as I continue to write, I am losing track of my point.  ahh...Motherhood! It's not for the FAINT at HEART! Those mom's that have had the tough kiddos, my virtual "HI-5" to you! WE women are making it....one day at a time. I am surviving with some help of medicine (have to admit when you need that help), the occasional wine at night to calm the nerves, one activity that brings joy, and finding time to laugh!!!

Sometimes when my toddler throws her tantrums, her hissies, her fake cries, and the like, I find rather than beat it, join in.  Screaming right along  with her is crazy and funny!  Drowning her noise out with my own song and dance and stupidity usually helps me get through it, rather than waste the energy getting pissed off..and adding to my already graying hair!!!!!

. This job called Motherhood is DAMN exhausting! Too bad we don't get paid the big bucks for an honest hard days work!


 

The first time feelings of becoming a parent

As I talk to my friends who are expecting their first child, I see in their eyes the excitement, joy, and anxiousness on becoming a parent.  I laugh now because I remember when I had those same feelings over a year ago.  Knowing what I know now and what I've been through in my short 14 months of parenthood,  I find it cute how excited these first time mommies are about having a baby.  Not to spoil their excitement, a part of me resists telling them the "not so wonderful moments" that this job entails.  I just make sure to tell them the more memorable moments from my experiences as a mom. With  my own excitement and anxiousness then,  I never thought I would go through some of the things I went through with my first born child.  I went straight through the "fire" and barely came out alive and with quite a few burns!!  I just hope and pray my next go around with #2 will be so different and less "maintenance", I'll feel like SUPER MOM because I already had the worst of the worst times with #1!  Don't misunderstand that I don't love my first born baby girl, but it was definitely not an easy tunnel to go through! I am envious of those that had that easy first baby.  They are the few that were blessed enough to have those easy babies and go on  to have a dozen more just the same as the first! Phfff...must be nice!! 

So, looking at my friends as they ever so sweetly rub their baby bumps and anticipate the arrival of their new bundle of joy, I smile and silently pray for them that God grant them the child that only they can handle.  God must have thought me to be stronger that I even thought myself to be because I got the baby with a powerful set of lungs (best for screaming/crying for hours) and relentless to all things including SLEEP! At least now when #2 does comes along, I have a "bag of tricks, tips, and trades" to handle most situations. For the things I can't handle...well....thats why the Lord created WINE and a prayer! LOL.  Joking..........a little!

All joking aside, I am looking forward to having more children, and  I know I will again have that same feeling of excitement and anxiousness and overwhelming joy of carrying another baby.  I will just have a better idea of  whats to come the second time around, rather than going unknowingly onto the battlefield called: Parenthood, unarmed!

Why ask why ramblings

As a child, you remember asking the "why" questions, most times not understanding the answers, yet continuing to ask "why" just because? You would think as you grow into adulthood, the questions starting with "why" would be followed by answers you really do seek to understand! Unfortunately, the answers to most of our "why" questions don't get answered.  I torture myself continually seeking the answer(s) to my "why" questions, but inside I know sometimes there is no answer or it is not something I'm meant to understand. (Only the Lord understands why I am here, why I am going down this road/path in my life, why I am married to the man that I am married to,  why I have a child who is so hyperactive and difficult, why I am a stay at home mom when my heart desired more, why am I the way that I am)........etc.,etc.,etc.

 I have a list of "why" questions that rack my brain daily and unfortunately it is half the cause of my unrest at night. My mind is always on "why" questions in my life. It isn't healthy I know.  I just get in those frustrated moments, like right now, and I just want to look God in the face and ask, "WHY...?"  It's not for me to seek the "why" but to "trust" and have "faith" in the Lord.  HE knows why, and he doesn't have to tell me.  He doesn't have to consult me in His plan(s) and I am definitely not to demand answers.  But, I am human, like every person written in the good Book.  I get frustrated, I want to ask " why"just like Moses, "why am I doing this? Why am I here, at this place, doing this very thing" ;or ask the question that Eve (jokingly speaking) probably asked God about Adam a time or two, "WHY, LORD, DID YOU PUT ME WITH THIS MAN??"

As I write this entry, I am told (my voice I'm hearing, yet I know its God speaking) that it is not for me to know. I am frustrated, tired, exhausted, asking "why", but again, its not for me to seek the answers! It is sooooo hard for us, especially in this day and age, to want things right away.  We are in the world of technology.  It has increased our level of impatience over the years. The Internet gives us answers to any question we may have in a matter of minutes.   I want to know the answers to my "WHY"?s sooner rather than later.  AND, sometimes in God's plans, its years and years before you ever get that answer you seek.

So, if any of this made sense, my biggest WHY question that has spurred all this rambling is the very question: "WHY, LORD, DID YOU PUT ME WITH THIS MAN?"  Frustration in the man I married really does get me wondering as to why HE (God) put two stubborn, hard headed, strong willed people together to marry and live our lives!  So much frustration in these last few years of marriage has me asking that question a lot!  I don't know if half of it is because there is a lot of stress in his job and mine (his job being Army and learning to fly a million dollar piece of metal and my job being Mother to a busy body toddler), or are we really compatible? We are coming up on five years of marriage and I can say that it has been some of my toughest years!!Why, yet again, are we fighting over..."X,Y,Z" issues? I don't know.  God does though. So, it is best I let this rest rather than keep me up.

Why, oh, why do we even bother to ask "why"?

And where he goes I'll follow....

Sing with me: 

"Love him, I love him, I love him

And where he goes I'll follow, I'll follow, I'll follow

I will follow him, follow him wherever he may go

There isn't an ocean too deep

A mountain so high it can keep me away....."

Little Peggy March had it right.  But I don't think she knew the life of a military wife.  A military wife will follow him; follow him wherever he may go, or at least where Army tells him to go.  "There are many oceans too deep, and mountains filled with terrorists that keep...keep me away from him."  


When I said "I do" to a sweet, handsome, 27 year old man, on a hot July, 8, 2006, I  said, "I do" to the Army as well.  Being married to military is not easy. I knew that even when I said "yes" to the question a poor soldier home for 2 weeks R&R from his second deployment to Iraq, asked me on May 5, 2005!  I have endured a lot most marriages don't encounter in a lifetime.  Does that make my marriage better or stronger?  Pfff, No! So why do I do it? Because, like Peggy March said in her song, "I love him"


I have found it hard, being a military brat,  to move from state to state, following my father's Air Force duty stations.  I vowed then as a child, I would NEVER NEVER NEVER do what my mother and grandmothers had to do being married to military.  Apparently, I didn't run too far. I instantly was attracted by the uniform and the sexy man dressed in it.  So, here I am yet again, this time as an adult, packing my belongings and following my husband wherever the Army takes us.  


From Ft.Bragg, NC, a cute little couple with a baby on the way, watched as their belongings were packed away, to soon meet again in a few weeks to be unloaded in their new home.  Upon arrival into Ft.Rucker, AL, not knowing a soul, we managed.  We started our family with a little bundle of joy born on New Years Day, January 2011.  And its been here where we've been going through flight school. ( I do believe that when my Aviator finally graduates from flight school, they should have a separate wing pinning ceremony for the wives!)


Now after almost 2 years of the husbands grueling flight school, and the light at the end of the tunnel being only three months away, we finally received news yesterday evening where the Army will be sending us next. With a small say in the matter of which choice our number 1 post would be, we anxiously awaited to hear whether we were granted that or whether we would have to settle for the number 2 choice . Our number 3 choice (in my mind) was NOT an option! 


The Kruger family is headed to Ft.Campbell, Kentucky! Now, my joy isn't necessarily for Kentucky, but it was the better choice of the three.  When I dreamed of places to live, I never thought it would be places like Alabama and Kentucky. Growing up, I lived in Kansas and Missouri, with a small portion of my youth in Los Angeles, California. After my Dad's "retirement" (sounds better than being "riffed" from the Air Force) we relocated permanently to Ft.Bragg/Fayetteville,  North Carolina.  So, my only exciting moments of travel to speak of are when I was in college. I was blessed enough to live and study  in London, England for a semester. I toured other countries while living there, so at least I did have that in my travel diaries. But,  I don't think with my Soldier, now turned Aviator, we will be doing much overseas hopping with the Army's expense.  The only "trip" he will be taking will be another deployment and thats one trip, where family is not allowed to go on, nor would I want to.  


So, as I prepare for the next duty station, I have some excitements and some fears.  I am excited to start fresh and new in a new place.  I am excited to meet new people and explore the area and see the sites. I am excited to decorate our new "home" whether it be on or off post housing.  The fear comes in the bigger things. I fear travelling with a toddler in tow and 2 cats.  My pilot will inevitably be due to deploy in the next few months after we arrive, leaving me with me with a full household in a city with no family.  My fears are more than I let on, but I know its the fear of the unknown too that will eventually go away. 


There is a lot to prepare, a lot to think about, but I am ready!  I'm mentally preparing for the deployment. I am mentally preparing for the new changes.  But, being a military brat hasn't made me an expert.  It's just made me strong enough to accept change.  Now, I just wonder how my baby girl will take change.  


I will follow him....follow him wherever he may go....packing all of my things in bubble wrap, cardboard boxes, and lots of tape....why?? Because - "I love him, I love and where he goes I'll follow, I'll follow..." 

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Dance A Lot Robot

There is a 15 min "in betweener show" between shows on Playhouse Disney every morning.  A dancing robot teaches a new dance each day to two very excited kids.  The robot loves to dance dance dance, hence the name "Dance a Lot Robot".  Over the past year, I've watched just about every cartoon that airs between the hours of 6am-10/11am every weekday.  I have learned all words to the theme songs of Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Club, Timmy Time, Special Agent Oso, and Chuggington, and have watched the same episodes at least 10 times or more. When my baby girl has lost interest in those shows of the morning, I am usually able to turn on a Baby Einstein video to grab her interest long enough for me to get cleaned and dressed for the day. Then the rest of my day is pretty much routine, doing my daily mother/wife chores and errands.  I'm not complaining, but I do find some days to be pretty monotonous.

After a few rainy afternoons in the house this week and listening to cartoons, Baby Einstein-Mozart, I finally had enough!!. I stopped in the middle of washing dishes to grab my iPod and headphones.  With my daughter well in my sights from the kitchen, I jammed those headphones in my ears to drown out Mozart and continued to wash dishes listening to some of my feel good, fast paced, get up and dance type music.  As various rap, R&B, rock, and hip hop songs played, I danced right along as I scrubbed, rinsed, and dried dishes.  I even got talented doing my own little booty popping dance while drying a skillet.  As some of my rap music came on, I found myself lip singing to the words, pulling out all the "club" moves and eventually breaking a sweat.  At one point I found my daughter standing at the baby gate that separated her from the kitchen entryway.  With a paci in her mouth, her eyes wide, she just stood there looking at me as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing??!!"  Well, as silly as I probably looked, I felt better after dancing away like a sweat machine!!  At that moment, I had to laugh thinking of "Dance a Lot Robot".  There are days I feel "robotic".  I have the same routine every day. I run errands in the day and have activities, but my daily "mommy" chores pretty much stay the same, around the same time.  (I wash Charlize's high chair tray after every meal and snack and that chore alone over a week drives me crazy).  Dinner is always around 5, bathtime for Charlize by 6, story and bedtime by 7, shower for mommy by 8, then bedtime/quick downtime by 9 sometimes 10pm;  Get up and do it all again at 6/6:30 or 7am if Charlize sleeps in. 

Dance a lot robot always ends his show by saying, "...until next time keep dance dance dancing!"
I really should dance more often, because it really made me happy this afternoon.  I love dancing because it is just natural to me.    I may not get my gym time, but more dancing while washing dishes will certainly help me burn calories.

I bet I did look like a looney bouncing around and dancing in my kitchen, while baby Einstein played on TV, and my toddler and cats watching me from the living room.

 "DANCETASTIC EVERYONE...Here we GO GO!"

"Where you from?"

"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."

     I have heard the same question asked of me by many people I've first met or briefly encountered in my life. The question, "Where you from?" It isn't always delivered politely and that is what bothers me most about that simple question. The question is asked with such ignorance that its not a question to obtain more knowledge about me, its a question to kill their curiosity of whether I am "foreign" or "domestic".;)
     I have lived and visited many different states and countries in this wide world, and it is always funny to me how ignorant people really are in the wide melting pot of U.S.A.   I was asked once by a friend, "what is a polite way to ask where you are from?"  My responses:

"May I ask what is your nationality/background/heritage?"

"May I ask about your ancestry?" 

I wouldn't find that rude or intrusive if someone is truly asking in hopes of really learning the answer to their question.  But, there are a few times in my life where I have experiences such ignorance and insult that I will not soon forget it and will continue to keep a running list in my lifetime.

    One experience I remember was when I was 16 years old. I had an interview for a position as a server at a fancy, upscale restaurant toward downtown Fayetteville, NC.  (I will leave the restaurant anonymous for those that might read this.)  When I arrived for the interview I was greeted with warmth from an older lady who was either the co-owner or manager of this restaurant at the time.  The restaurant was empty and quiet because it only opened for business in the evenings.  It was a typical interview for a serving position to any restaurant.  The conversation was going well, until she proceeded to ask a non-restaurant related question.  She asked, with all sweetness  in her voice, "So, how long have you lived in this country?".  There was a long, awkward pause, as I began to register that question through my 16 year old mind.  I then smiled politely and answered, "I was born in the United States...Chula Vista, California." I don't remember much else after that because as she began to talk, I could feel my blood rise and I was gridding my teeth.   I'm not very good at hiding my emotions either, so I know there was a definite look of anger in my face afterward.  The interview didn't last much longer and all I could remember was walking out of that restaurant livid at the old woman for her complete ignorance and stupidity.  I drove home and huffed and puffed into my house ready to vent my anger to whoever was around.  To some, it may not have been such a 'bad' question to ask, but this was a question asked on pure ignorance.  It was insulting to think she did not even "think" I could be from the United States, based on my facial features. I had to be "foreign".
    Now, on a side note, growing up with an American born mother with a Filipino/Spanish heritage and an American father of  Scotch/Irish heritage, who just also happened to be military, the questions of whether my mom was "from this country" did get asked quite a few times in social circles. It was the stereotype that soldiers were going overseas and coming back to the US having brought "home" a wife.  Most times people would just assume my Mother did not speak a word of English, and would instantly speak directly to my Father because he was white.   I never felt sorry for my Mom though because she always carried her own and when she was insulted, she shocked them with her intelligence and whit! She fluently speaks two languages, but ENGLISH is her first language having been born in Connecticut! 
   
   Another experience is actually kind of comical now, but it wasn't at the time.  One year my sweet husband was home for R&R from his third deployment to Iraq, he wanted to mail some items back to the FOB he was in at that time so it would arrive around the same time he returned to Iraq.  At the post office, I help him seal his package and he addressed it.  When we were called up to the desk of the postal service worker, she smiles and tells my husband that the package was addressed incorrectly.  The address of sender was in the TO: section and the address of where it was being sent was in the FROM: section.  As my embarrassed husband proceeds to correct the addressing of the package, the woman says to me, "Is that how you do it in your country?". After a moment pause, she continues to look at me and ask, "I don't know if you do that where you are from"  (referring to the backward addresses).  I think my mouth was open, as if to say, "no the (bleep) she di'n't!?".  My husband stops suddenly to look at me and then back at the postal worker to say, "She is from this country." The comical part was after my husband spoke.  I didn't say one word, as the postal worker began to nervously apologize for the mistake she made.  She quickly gave my husband a smile to try to better the situation, but it was already done.  I stood there just looking at the woman, as my husband handed the package with the fixed addresses. She hurriedly rang up the cost, gave us the receipt, and wished us a good day.  The entire encounter, I had continued to stand at the other side of that desk, staring at her, not uttering a word.  In this instance, the person was sincerely apologetic, so I couldn't really be mad at the ignorant statement.  But, still the ignorance was there.

Now, today was another experience I will have to add to my list of stupid, ignorant things said to me.  I have lived in the South for many years, yet have managed to speak without a Southern accent. I like to think I speak very clear, English, having also taught on the subject for a few years.  My 12 month old daughter and I had lunch with a friend and her baby this afternoon at a nice fast food restaurant in Dothan, Alabama.  As I had lunch, I fed my baby girl nuggets and french fries and asked her clear, full questions like, "Do you want more?, Are you done?, Are you finished?" etc.  Questions of course my toddler is still learning to comprehend.  Toward the end of lunch, two older men were sitting beside us at a table.  As I am feeding my daughter, one of the old men interrupts lunch and asks, "Do you plan on speaking to her in another language? I mean, do you plan on teaching her two languages?"  As I pause to think how to answer that question, the man says, "I mean, you speak very good English."  Now, I am not easily insulted, I just find it funny (not ha ha) that people really have some ignorance when it comes to races other than White and African American.  I told the man I planned on speaking to my daughter ONLY in English.  I then nicely told him that my heritage was Filipino, but that I did not fluently speak the language because my mother, who was also American born, spoke to me in English.  I would have liked to learn the Tagalog language, but English is my FIRST and ONLY language spoken.  The old man looked pretty proud with himself or I don't know, maybe he was proud of me for speaking "very good English".  Either way, it was a little insulting.  My friend later commented on the question as being "stupid".  The funny party I think was toward the end of the small conversation, the old man said with such pride, "I am an English teacher!"  To which I said, "I was ALSO an English teacher for  some years." The conversation ended abruptly when another person in the restaurant stopped to talk with the old man.  My friend and I soon after, left the restaurant with that question still in our minds. Thinking back on it, it wasn't "rude" just again, ignorant.

   " Ignorance is a lack of knowledge, or a willful lack of desire to improve the efficiency, merit, effectiveness or usefulness of one's actions. Ignorance is also a "state of being ignorant" or unaware (not knowing). Ignorance occurs when those who can benefit from knowledge are unwilling or unable to find or assimilate the knowledge. The flip side of ignorance is having knowledge and not having any way of sharing that knowledge. It is the condition of believing I am my mind. 
Ignorance is removed by Understanding. Ignorance is darkness and knowledge is Light. That which destroys ignorance liberates the truth. These quotes can be used to warn people against ignorance and how it can effect their growth and their performance."

    We will all be ignorant to some things. .I just thought to mention rather than to insult someone and assume someone is "chinese, japanese, hong kong...jazz", ask politely.  But, also ask with sincerity to really know more about that person instead to kill quick curiosity of whether they are "foreign"

Childcare vs Hungry baby

So this is a moment when it really hit me how much my life as a mother has changed.

After a hard week with Charlize getting into EVERYTHING in the house, I really was in desperate need of a break. I called the Child Development Center (CDC)provided on base and asked for a reservation for Thursday from 11:00am-4:00pm. I had a gift card from Christmas to JCPenney's and Victoria's Secret and all I wanted was a few hours to shop in peace, feel like a woman again, and then come back refreshed and ready to tackle my crazy toddler again!

So, when Thursday morning came, I was in a rather good mood. I got dressed up and was looking forward to a "me only" day. I got to the CDC a little later than expected because Charlize woke up late from a nap. When I arrive and drop her off to the Toddler room, I was told they just finished lunch. Charlize hadn't had much of anything before we left the house, a few sips of her milk from her sippy cup, but that was it. So, as I am talking to the childcare provider, she proceeds to tell me that the next time the kids will be fed with be at snack time, around 2:00pm. (at the time I looked at the clock it was 11:25am). Knowing my kiddo, I knew she wasn't going to last till then and she would definitely be hungry. I then told the childcare provider that I at least had two sippy cups of milk to leave for Charlize. As I begin to take them out of her diaper back, the childcare provider informs me that if Charlize's sippy cups have stoppers, they are not allowed. So, after more disheartening news, I stand there looking at my poor baby girl, who is now walking over to the carpet to go play with toys. So, the child care provider is telling me that Charlize already missed lunch, won't have a snack till 2 hours from then, and will be left without any milk because the sippy cups I provided had stoppers and were not allowed. If I left her there from 11:30am-about 4:00pm when I was done running my errands and shopping, my poor child would have gone HUNGRY?????

This is when I picked up my sweet baby and proceeded to the door, all the while explaining to the child care provider that I was not going to leave my child after all. The child care provider than says to me in such a condescending tone, "You have to leave her sometime mom!". I then, retorted with a not so polite tone, "That is not the point. I have left my child in other care before, but the point is that I am not about to leave my child for five hours to go hungry. She isn't allowed her own sippy cups of milk, she will not get any kind of food for another two hours, and you expect her to be good for the next five hours in that condition?"

With that retort, I took my baby girl and walked out the door. It was then I realized that I am truly a mommy. Like a mommy lion protecting her cub. If she is going to go hungry, then my baby girl is better off with me than in someone elses hands. She is my daughter and I will take care of her.

Now the day didn't turn out as great as I hoped for, but at least my baby girl wasn't hungry. She fussed in most of the stores I tugged her along to, she was tired, but fought the sleep, but all the while, she had a sippy cup full of ice water, and snacks at her disposal if she wanted. She got to eat lunch with me, and she spent time with her mommy.

Funny how much mom's sacrifice. I could have definitely used a few hours to myself, but to what satisfaction? I would have had a starved child, while I was out having "me" time. I am not a selfish mommy. So, oh well. Wasn't impressed with the child care and not sure I will use them for much again. Now I at least know lunch will be provided between 10:30-11:00am and snacks are at 2pm. The sippy cup issue is still silly to me, but I am not going to change Charlize's sippy cups just to appease the CDC.


The things a good mother does when she accepts the responsibility of being a MOMMY!





My wine down tonight: White Merlot by Beringer.

Ten Wine Trends for 2011 | The Good Pour

Ten Wine Trends for 2011 | The Good Pour

I have a new hobby! I want to learn more about wines and start a club. Other have book clubs, this will be my wine club. This article has inspired me to start one this year and become more of a wine enthusiast!

The Firsts!

New Years Eve, December 31st, 2009 at 9:00pm, topped all other celebrations I ever did ringing in a new year. I remember sitting on my couch as big as a house, pregnant at 39 weeks. I got up to use the bathroom and suddenly my water broke. A rush of excitement from two very shocked, very soon to be new parents, rush to get dressed, pack our bags, and drive 25 miles to the hospital. After welcoming a new year from my hospital bed and spending the night on into the morning with uncomfortable contractions, New Years Day, January 1st, 2010, Charlize Esmeralda Kruger, was born at 10:06am. She weighted 7 lbs, 0 oz, and was 20 inches long.

A whole year of wonders and woes and plenty of "first experiences" had come and gone and before I knew it, Charlize was turning ONE! I, being the proud mother that I am, will from here on out continue to celebrate the New Year with a Birthday party for my baby girl. And her very first was definitely an important milestone to celebrate!

So, the week prior, I searched online, got ideas from artsy crafty moms, and began to plan Charlize's very FIRST birthday party in style. How fitting it was to celebrate Charlize's FIRST birthday on a day dated with all ones. January 1st, 2011! Charlize was 1 on 1/1/11! I bought glue, cardstock, popcicle sticks, and ribbon and began to get crafty. I made a pink and brown banner with the letters spelling Happy Birthday. I made cupcake toppers, 24 with her cute little face and 24 with the number 1 in various pink and girlie backgrounds. I bought a signature frame to put her picture to have all our friends to sign it. I gathered pictures from Charlize's birth through all her 11 months of life and put them on a sandisk. I used a digital frame to have it scroll through all her photos so everyone could see her growth in 12 months. I rented out a room in an indoor playground establishment and invited some of my closest friends and their kids to come and play and eat and share in the celebration. With all of the crafts I was making that week, I ended up buying ( the 48 in all)vanilla with pink frosted and chocolate with chocolate frosted cupcakes. Food was provided for the kids and the adults got snacks. I spend some nights, after both Chris and Charlize were in bed, sacrificing sleep so that I could cut and paste pictures onto popsicle sticks, and then tie bows on all 48 of the cupcake toppers.

I didn't mind it because it was all for my baby girl. Sure, she's turning one and won't remember a bit of that day, but it was for a celebration for mommy and daddy too. Years down the road, our baby girl will see how much she was loved, through pictures of that very day's celebration.

The day went great, despite the rainy, cold weather and tornado watch, Enterprise, Alabama was having on New Years Day! Everyone that was in town and could make it, did come to help celebrate Charlize's birthday and at the end of it all I was pretty happy with my baby girls FIRST birthday. As with most toddlers, they wore themselves out, playing on the indoor jungle gym. About half an hour after Charlize blew out her first birthday candle, it was time to pack up and head home for naps. After a much needed nap for Charlize, mommy, and daddy, it was time to open her presents. (To think, Charlize will have the best presents every year. She will get to open presents for Christmas and then a week later, get to open presents for her Birthday!)

My friends gave were the sweetest, giving Charlize so many toys. After opening all of her presents that evening, the living room was poring over with toys from wall to wall.

I sat back at the end of the night and had to smile. I did it. Chris and I did it; Charlize, Chris and I did it. We all survived a year, raising a new life in this world. She turned out to be the smartest, most beautiful baby girl I could have ever asked for. Despite all the troubles with the "firsts", I truly have enjoyed being a mom and I really enjoyed throwing Charlize her first birthday party.

I look forward to every New Years now, for two reasons. It is a time to welcome a fresh New Year and a time to celebrate another year older with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.

Cheers to all the firsts! Now to begin more first experiences with my first; potty training, disciplining, teaching reading and writing skills etc. I will never forget the "firsts"