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Sunday, February 13, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Dance A Lot Robot
There is a 15 min "in betweener show" between shows on Playhouse Disney every morning. A dancing robot teaches a new dance each day to two very excited kids. The robot loves to dance dance dance, hence the name "Dance a Lot Robot". Over the past year, I've watched just about every cartoon that airs between the hours of 6am-10/11am every weekday. I have learned all words to the theme songs of Handy Manny, Mickey Mouse Club, Timmy Time, Special Agent Oso, and Chuggington, and have watched the same episodes at least 10 times or more. When my baby girl has lost interest in those shows of the morning, I am usually able to turn on a Baby Einstein video to grab her interest long enough for me to get cleaned and dressed for the day. Then the rest of my day is pretty much routine, doing my daily mother/wife chores and errands. I'm not complaining, but I do find some days to be pretty monotonous.
After a few rainy afternoons in the house this week and listening to cartoons, Baby Einstein-Mozart, I finally had enough!!. I stopped in the middle of washing dishes to grab my iPod and headphones. With my daughter well in my sights from the kitchen, I jammed those headphones in my ears to drown out Mozart and continued to wash dishes listening to some of my feel good, fast paced, get up and dance type music. As various rap, R&B, rock, and hip hop songs played, I danced right along as I scrubbed, rinsed, and dried dishes. I even got talented doing my own little booty popping dance while drying a skillet. As some of my rap music came on, I found myself lip singing to the words, pulling out all the "club" moves and eventually breaking a sweat. At one point I found my daughter standing at the baby gate that separated her from the kitchen entryway. With a paci in her mouth, her eyes wide, she just stood there looking at me as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing??!!" Well, as silly as I probably looked, I felt better after dancing away like a sweat machine!! At that moment, I had to laugh thinking of "Dance a Lot Robot". There are days I feel "robotic". I have the same routine every day. I run errands in the day and have activities, but my daily "mommy" chores pretty much stay the same, around the same time. (I wash Charlize's high chair tray after every meal and snack and that chore alone over a week drives me crazy). Dinner is always around 5, bathtime for Charlize by 6, story and bedtime by 7, shower for mommy by 8, then bedtime/quick downtime by 9 sometimes 10pm; Get up and do it all again at 6/6:30 or 7am if Charlize sleeps in.
Dance a lot robot always ends his show by saying, "...until next time keep dance dance dancing!"
I really should dance more often, because it really made me happy this afternoon. I love dancing because it is just natural to me. I may not get my gym time, but more dancing while washing dishes will certainly help me burn calories.
I bet I did look like a looney bouncing around and dancing in my kitchen, while baby Einstein played on TV, and my toddler and cats watching me from the living room.
"DANCETASTIC EVERYONE...Here we GO GO!"
After a few rainy afternoons in the house this week and listening to cartoons, Baby Einstein-Mozart, I finally had enough!!. I stopped in the middle of washing dishes to grab my iPod and headphones. With my daughter well in my sights from the kitchen, I jammed those headphones in my ears to drown out Mozart and continued to wash dishes listening to some of my feel good, fast paced, get up and dance type music. As various rap, R&B, rock, and hip hop songs played, I danced right along as I scrubbed, rinsed, and dried dishes. I even got talented doing my own little booty popping dance while drying a skillet. As some of my rap music came on, I found myself lip singing to the words, pulling out all the "club" moves and eventually breaking a sweat. At one point I found my daughter standing at the baby gate that separated her from the kitchen entryway. With a paci in her mouth, her eyes wide, she just stood there looking at me as if to say, "Mommy, what are you doing??!!" Well, as silly as I probably looked, I felt better after dancing away like a sweat machine!! At that moment, I had to laugh thinking of "Dance a Lot Robot". There are days I feel "robotic". I have the same routine every day. I run errands in the day and have activities, but my daily "mommy" chores pretty much stay the same, around the same time. (I wash Charlize's high chair tray after every meal and snack and that chore alone over a week drives me crazy). Dinner is always around 5, bathtime for Charlize by 6, story and bedtime by 7, shower for mommy by 8, then bedtime/quick downtime by 9 sometimes 10pm; Get up and do it all again at 6/6:30 or 7am if Charlize sleeps in.
Dance a lot robot always ends his show by saying, "...until next time keep dance dance dancing!"
I really should dance more often, because it really made me happy this afternoon. I love dancing because it is just natural to me. I may not get my gym time, but more dancing while washing dishes will certainly help me burn calories.
I bet I did look like a looney bouncing around and dancing in my kitchen, while baby Einstein played on TV, and my toddler and cats watching me from the living room.
"DANCETASTIC EVERYONE...Here we GO GO!"
Friday, January 14, 2011
"Where you from?"
"Everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects."
I have heard the same question asked of me by many people I've first met or briefly encountered in my life. The question, "Where you from?" It isn't always delivered politely and that is what bothers me most about that simple question. The question is asked with such ignorance that its not a question to obtain more knowledge about me, its a question to kill their curiosity of whether I am "foreign" or "domestic".;)
I have lived and visited many different states and countries in this wide world, and it is always funny to me how ignorant people really are in the wide melting pot of U.S.A. I was asked once by a friend, "what is a polite way to ask where you are from?" My responses:
"May I ask what is your nationality/background/heritage?"
"May I ask about your ancestry?"
I wouldn't find that rude or intrusive if someone is truly asking in hopes of really learning the answer to their question. But, there are a few times in my life where I have experiences such ignorance and insult that I will not soon forget it and will continue to keep a running list in my lifetime.One experience I remember was when I was 16 years old. I had an interview for a position as a server at a fancy, upscale restaurant toward downtown Fayetteville, NC. (I will leave the restaurant anonymous for those that might read this.) When I arrived for the interview I was greeted with warmth from an older lady who was either the co-owner or manager of this restaurant at the time. The restaurant was empty and quiet because it only opened for business in the evenings. It was a typical interview for a serving position to any restaurant. The conversation was going well, until she proceeded to ask a non-restaurant related question. She asked, with all sweetness in her voice, "So, how long have you lived in this country?". There was a long, awkward pause, as I began to register that question through my 16 year old mind. I then smiled politely and answered, "I was born in the United States...Chula Vista, California." I don't remember much else after that because as she began to talk, I could feel my blood rise and I was gridding my teeth. I'm not very good at hiding my emotions either, so I know there was a definite look of anger in my face afterward. The interview didn't last much longer and all I could remember was walking out of that restaurant livid at the old woman for her complete ignorance and stupidity. I drove home and huffed and puffed into my house ready to vent my anger to whoever was around. To some, it may not have been such a 'bad' question to ask, but this was a question asked on pure ignorance. It was insulting to think she did not even "think" I could be from the United States, based on my facial features. I had to be "foreign".
Now, on a side note, growing up with an American born mother with a Filipino/Spanish heritage and an American father of Scotch/Irish heritage, who just also happened to be military, the questions of whether my mom was "from this country" did get asked quite a few times in social circles. It was the stereotype that soldiers were going overseas and coming back to the US having brought "home" a wife. Most times people would just assume my Mother did not speak a word of English, and would instantly speak directly to my Father because he was white. I never felt sorry for my Mom though because she always carried her own and when she was insulted, she shocked them with her intelligence and whit! She fluently speaks two languages, but ENGLISH is her first language having been born in Connecticut!
Another experience is actually kind of comical now, but it wasn't at the time. One year my sweet husband was home for R&R from his third deployment to Iraq, he wanted to mail some items back to the FOB he was in at that time so it would arrive around the same time he returned to Iraq. At the post office, I help him seal his package and he addressed it. When we were called up to the desk of the postal service worker, she smiles and tells my husband that the package was addressed incorrectly. The address of sender was in the TO: section and the address of where it was being sent was in the FROM: section. As my embarrassed husband proceeds to correct the addressing of the package, the woman says to me, "Is that how you do it in your country?". After a moment pause, she continues to look at me and ask, "I don't know if you do that where you are from" (referring to the backward addresses). I think my mouth was open, as if to say, "no the (bleep) she di'n't!?". My husband stops suddenly to look at me and then back at the postal worker to say, "She is from this country." The comical part was after my husband spoke. I didn't say one word, as the postal worker began to nervously apologize for the mistake she made. She quickly gave my husband a smile to try to better the situation, but it was already done. I stood there just looking at the woman, as my husband handed the package with the fixed addresses. She hurriedly rang up the cost, gave us the receipt, and wished us a good day. The entire encounter, I had continued to stand at the other side of that desk, staring at her, not uttering a word. In this instance, the person was sincerely apologetic, so I couldn't really be mad at the ignorant statement. But, still the ignorance was there.
Now, today was another experience I will have to add to my list of stupid, ignorant things said to me. I have lived in the South for many years, yet have managed to speak without a Southern accent. I like to think I speak very clear, English, having also taught on the subject for a few years. My 12 month old daughter and I had lunch with a friend and her baby this afternoon at a nice fast food restaurant in Dothan, Alabama. As I had lunch, I fed my baby girl nuggets and french fries and asked her clear, full questions like, "Do you want more?, Are you done?, Are you finished?" etc. Questions of course my toddler is still learning to comprehend. Toward the end of lunch, two older men were sitting beside us at a table. As I am feeding my daughter, one of the old men interrupts lunch and asks, "Do you plan on speaking to her in another language? I mean, do you plan on teaching her two languages?" As I pause to think how to answer that question, the man says, "I mean, you speak very good English." Now, I am not easily insulted, I just find it funny (not ha ha) that people really have some ignorance when it comes to races other than White and African American. I told the man I planned on speaking to my daughter ONLY in English. I then nicely told him that my heritage was Filipino, but that I did not fluently speak the language because my mother, who was also American born, spoke to me in English. I would have liked to learn the Tagalog language, but English is my FIRST and ONLY language spoken. The old man looked pretty proud with himself or I don't know, maybe he was proud of me for speaking "very good English". Either way, it was a little insulting. My friend later commented on the question as being "stupid". The funny party I think was toward the end of the small conversation, the old man said with such pride, "I am an English teacher!" To which I said, "I was ALSO an English teacher for some years." The conversation ended abruptly when another person in the restaurant stopped to talk with the old man. My friend and I soon after, left the restaurant with that question still in our minds. Thinking back on it, it wasn't "rude" just again, ignorant.
" Ignorance is a lack of knowledge, or a willful lack of desire to improve the efficiency, merit, effectiveness or usefulness of one's actions. Ignorance is also a "state of being ignorant" or unaware (not knowing). Ignorance occurs when those who can benefit from knowledge are unwilling or unable to find or assimilate the knowledge. The flip side of ignorance is having knowledge and not having any way of sharing that knowledge. It is the condition of believing I am my mind.
Ignorance is removed by Understanding. Ignorance is darkness and knowledge is Light. That which destroys ignorance liberates the truth. These quotes can be used to warn people against ignorance and how it can effect their growth and their performance."
We will all be ignorant to some things. .I just thought to mention rather than to insult someone and assume someone is "chinese, japanese, hong kong...jazz", ask politely. But, also ask with sincerity to really know more about that person instead to kill quick curiosity of whether they are "foreign"
Friday, January 7, 2011
Childcare vs Hungry baby
So this is a moment when it really hit me how much my life as a mother has changed.
After a hard week with Charlize getting into EVERYTHING in the house, I really was in desperate need of a break. I called the Child Development Center (CDC)provided on base and asked for a reservation for Thursday from 11:00am-4:00pm. I had a gift card from Christmas to JCPenney's and Victoria's Secret and all I wanted was a few hours to shop in peace, feel like a woman again, and then come back refreshed and ready to tackle my crazy toddler again!
So, when Thursday morning came, I was in a rather good mood. I got dressed up and was looking forward to a "me only" day. I got to the CDC a little later than expected because Charlize woke up late from a nap. When I arrive and drop her off to the Toddler room, I was told they just finished lunch. Charlize hadn't had much of anything before we left the house, a few sips of her milk from her sippy cup, but that was it. So, as I am talking to the childcare provider, she proceeds to tell me that the next time the kids will be fed with be at snack time, around 2:00pm. (at the time I looked at the clock it was 11:25am). Knowing my kiddo, I knew she wasn't going to last till then and she would definitely be hungry. I then told the childcare provider that I at least had two sippy cups of milk to leave for Charlize. As I begin to take them out of her diaper back, the childcare provider informs me that if Charlize's sippy cups have stoppers, they are not allowed. So, after more disheartening news, I stand there looking at my poor baby girl, who is now walking over to the carpet to go play with toys. So, the child care provider is telling me that Charlize already missed lunch, won't have a snack till 2 hours from then, and will be left without any milk because the sippy cups I provided had stoppers and were not allowed. If I left her there from 11:30am-about 4:00pm when I was done running my errands and shopping, my poor child would have gone HUNGRY?????
This is when I picked up my sweet baby and proceeded to the door, all the while explaining to the child care provider that I was not going to leave my child after all. The child care provider than says to me in such a condescending tone, "You have to leave her sometime mom!". I then, retorted with a not so polite tone, "That is not the point. I have left my child in other care before, but the point is that I am not about to leave my child for five hours to go hungry. She isn't allowed her own sippy cups of milk, she will not get any kind of food for another two hours, and you expect her to be good for the next five hours in that condition?"
With that retort, I took my baby girl and walked out the door. It was then I realized that I am truly a mommy. Like a mommy lion protecting her cub. If she is going to go hungry, then my baby girl is better off with me than in someone elses hands. She is my daughter and I will take care of her.
Now the day didn't turn out as great as I hoped for, but at least my baby girl wasn't hungry. She fussed in most of the stores I tugged her along to, she was tired, but fought the sleep, but all the while, she had a sippy cup full of ice water, and snacks at her disposal if she wanted. She got to eat lunch with me, and she spent time with her mommy.
Funny how much mom's sacrifice. I could have definitely used a few hours to myself, but to what satisfaction? I would have had a starved child, while I was out having "me" time. I am not a selfish mommy. So, oh well. Wasn't impressed with the child care and not sure I will use them for much again. Now I at least know lunch will be provided between 10:30-11:00am and snacks are at 2pm. The sippy cup issue is still silly to me, but I am not going to change Charlize's sippy cups just to appease the CDC.
The things a good mother does when she accepts the responsibility of being a MOMMY!
My wine down tonight: White Merlot by Beringer.
After a hard week with Charlize getting into EVERYTHING in the house, I really was in desperate need of a break. I called the Child Development Center (CDC)provided on base and asked for a reservation for Thursday from 11:00am-4:00pm. I had a gift card from Christmas to JCPenney's and Victoria's Secret and all I wanted was a few hours to shop in peace, feel like a woman again, and then come back refreshed and ready to tackle my crazy toddler again!
So, when Thursday morning came, I was in a rather good mood. I got dressed up and was looking forward to a "me only" day. I got to the CDC a little later than expected because Charlize woke up late from a nap. When I arrive and drop her off to the Toddler room, I was told they just finished lunch. Charlize hadn't had much of anything before we left the house, a few sips of her milk from her sippy cup, but that was it. So, as I am talking to the childcare provider, she proceeds to tell me that the next time the kids will be fed with be at snack time, around 2:00pm. (at the time I looked at the clock it was 11:25am). Knowing my kiddo, I knew she wasn't going to last till then and she would definitely be hungry. I then told the childcare provider that I at least had two sippy cups of milk to leave for Charlize. As I begin to take them out of her diaper back, the childcare provider informs me that if Charlize's sippy cups have stoppers, they are not allowed. So, after more disheartening news, I stand there looking at my poor baby girl, who is now walking over to the carpet to go play with toys. So, the child care provider is telling me that Charlize already missed lunch, won't have a snack till 2 hours from then, and will be left without any milk because the sippy cups I provided had stoppers and were not allowed. If I left her there from 11:30am-about 4:00pm when I was done running my errands and shopping, my poor child would have gone HUNGRY?????
This is when I picked up my sweet baby and proceeded to the door, all the while explaining to the child care provider that I was not going to leave my child after all. The child care provider than says to me in such a condescending tone, "You have to leave her sometime mom!". I then, retorted with a not so polite tone, "That is not the point. I have left my child in other care before, but the point is that I am not about to leave my child for five hours to go hungry. She isn't allowed her own sippy cups of milk, she will not get any kind of food for another two hours, and you expect her to be good for the next five hours in that condition?"
With that retort, I took my baby girl and walked out the door. It was then I realized that I am truly a mommy. Like a mommy lion protecting her cub. If she is going to go hungry, then my baby girl is better off with me than in someone elses hands. She is my daughter and I will take care of her.
Now the day didn't turn out as great as I hoped for, but at least my baby girl wasn't hungry. She fussed in most of the stores I tugged her along to, she was tired, but fought the sleep, but all the while, she had a sippy cup full of ice water, and snacks at her disposal if she wanted. She got to eat lunch with me, and she spent time with her mommy.
Funny how much mom's sacrifice. I could have definitely used a few hours to myself, but to what satisfaction? I would have had a starved child, while I was out having "me" time. I am not a selfish mommy. So, oh well. Wasn't impressed with the child care and not sure I will use them for much again. Now I at least know lunch will be provided between 10:30-11:00am and snacks are at 2pm. The sippy cup issue is still silly to me, but I am not going to change Charlize's sippy cups just to appease the CDC.
The things a good mother does when she accepts the responsibility of being a MOMMY!
My wine down tonight: White Merlot by Beringer.
Ten Wine Trends for 2011 | The Good Pour
Ten Wine Trends for 2011 | The Good Pour
I have a new hobby! I want to learn more about wines and start a club. Other have book clubs, this will be my wine club. This article has inspired me to start one this year and become more of a wine enthusiast!
I have a new hobby! I want to learn more about wines and start a club. Other have book clubs, this will be my wine club. This article has inspired me to start one this year and become more of a wine enthusiast!
The Firsts!
New Years Eve, December 31st, 2009 at 9:00pm, topped all other celebrations I ever did ringing in a new year. I remember sitting on my couch as big as a house, pregnant at 39 weeks. I got up to use the bathroom and suddenly my water broke. A rush of excitement from two very shocked, very soon to be new parents, rush to get dressed, pack our bags, and drive 25 miles to the hospital. After welcoming a new year from my hospital bed and spending the night on into the morning with uncomfortable contractions, New Years Day, January 1st, 2010, Charlize Esmeralda Kruger, was born at 10:06am. She weighted 7 lbs, 0 oz, and was 20 inches long.
A whole year of wonders and woes and plenty of "first experiences" had come and gone and before I knew it, Charlize was turning ONE! I, being the proud mother that I am, will from here on out continue to celebrate the New Year with a Birthday party for my baby girl. And her very first was definitely an important milestone to celebrate!
So, the week prior, I searched online, got ideas from artsy crafty moms, and began to plan Charlize's very FIRST birthday party in style. How fitting it was to celebrate Charlize's FIRST birthday on a day dated with all ones. January 1st, 2011! Charlize was 1 on 1/1/11! I bought glue, cardstock, popcicle sticks, and ribbon and began to get crafty. I made a pink and brown banner with the letters spelling Happy Birthday. I made cupcake toppers, 24 with her cute little face and 24 with the number 1 in various pink and girlie backgrounds. I bought a signature frame to put her picture to have all our friends to sign it. I gathered pictures from Charlize's birth through all her 11 months of life and put them on a sandisk. I used a digital frame to have it scroll through all her photos so everyone could see her growth in 12 months. I rented out a room in an indoor playground establishment and invited some of my closest friends and their kids to come and play and eat and share in the celebration. With all of the crafts I was making that week, I ended up buying ( the 48 in all)vanilla with pink frosted and chocolate with chocolate frosted cupcakes. Food was provided for the kids and the adults got snacks. I spend some nights, after both Chris and Charlize were in bed, sacrificing sleep so that I could cut and paste pictures onto popsicle sticks, and then tie bows on all 48 of the cupcake toppers.
I didn't mind it because it was all for my baby girl. Sure, she's turning one and won't remember a bit of that day, but it was for a celebration for mommy and daddy too. Years down the road, our baby girl will see how much she was loved, through pictures of that very day's celebration.
The day went great, despite the rainy, cold weather and tornado watch, Enterprise, Alabama was having on New Years Day! Everyone that was in town and could make it, did come to help celebrate Charlize's birthday and at the end of it all I was pretty happy with my baby girls FIRST birthday. As with most toddlers, they wore themselves out, playing on the indoor jungle gym. About half an hour after Charlize blew out her first birthday candle, it was time to pack up and head home for naps. After a much needed nap for Charlize, mommy, and daddy, it was time to open her presents. (To think, Charlize will have the best presents every year. She will get to open presents for Christmas and then a week later, get to open presents for her Birthday!)
My friends gave were the sweetest, giving Charlize so many toys. After opening all of her presents that evening, the living room was poring over with toys from wall to wall.
I sat back at the end of the night and had to smile. I did it. Chris and I did it; Charlize, Chris and I did it. We all survived a year, raising a new life in this world. She turned out to be the smartest, most beautiful baby girl I could have ever asked for. Despite all the troubles with the "firsts", I truly have enjoyed being a mom and I really enjoyed throwing Charlize her first birthday party.
I look forward to every New Years now, for two reasons. It is a time to welcome a fresh New Year and a time to celebrate another year older with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
Cheers to all the firsts! Now to begin more first experiences with my first; potty training, disciplining, teaching reading and writing skills etc. I will never forget the "firsts"
A whole year of wonders and woes and plenty of "first experiences" had come and gone and before I knew it, Charlize was turning ONE! I, being the proud mother that I am, will from here on out continue to celebrate the New Year with a Birthday party for my baby girl. And her very first was definitely an important milestone to celebrate!
So, the week prior, I searched online, got ideas from artsy crafty moms, and began to plan Charlize's very FIRST birthday party in style. How fitting it was to celebrate Charlize's FIRST birthday on a day dated with all ones. January 1st, 2011! Charlize was 1 on 1/1/11! I bought glue, cardstock, popcicle sticks, and ribbon and began to get crafty. I made a pink and brown banner with the letters spelling Happy Birthday. I made cupcake toppers, 24 with her cute little face and 24 with the number 1 in various pink and girlie backgrounds. I bought a signature frame to put her picture to have all our friends to sign it. I gathered pictures from Charlize's birth through all her 11 months of life and put them on a sandisk. I used a digital frame to have it scroll through all her photos so everyone could see her growth in 12 months. I rented out a room in an indoor playground establishment and invited some of my closest friends and their kids to come and play and eat and share in the celebration. With all of the crafts I was making that week, I ended up buying ( the 48 in all)vanilla with pink frosted and chocolate with chocolate frosted cupcakes. Food was provided for the kids and the adults got snacks. I spend some nights, after both Chris and Charlize were in bed, sacrificing sleep so that I could cut and paste pictures onto popsicle sticks, and then tie bows on all 48 of the cupcake toppers.
I didn't mind it because it was all for my baby girl. Sure, she's turning one and won't remember a bit of that day, but it was for a celebration for mommy and daddy too. Years down the road, our baby girl will see how much she was loved, through pictures of that very day's celebration.
The day went great, despite the rainy, cold weather and tornado watch, Enterprise, Alabama was having on New Years Day! Everyone that was in town and could make it, did come to help celebrate Charlize's birthday and at the end of it all I was pretty happy with my baby girls FIRST birthday. As with most toddlers, they wore themselves out, playing on the indoor jungle gym. About half an hour after Charlize blew out her first birthday candle, it was time to pack up and head home for naps. After a much needed nap for Charlize, mommy, and daddy, it was time to open her presents. (To think, Charlize will have the best presents every year. She will get to open presents for Christmas and then a week later, get to open presents for her Birthday!)
My friends gave were the sweetest, giving Charlize so many toys. After opening all of her presents that evening, the living room was poring over with toys from wall to wall.
I sat back at the end of the night and had to smile. I did it. Chris and I did it; Charlize, Chris and I did it. We all survived a year, raising a new life in this world. She turned out to be the smartest, most beautiful baby girl I could have ever asked for. Despite all the troubles with the "firsts", I truly have enjoyed being a mom and I really enjoyed throwing Charlize her first birthday party.
I look forward to every New Years now, for two reasons. It is a time to welcome a fresh New Year and a time to celebrate another year older with a beautiful, healthy baby girl.
Cheers to all the firsts! Now to begin more first experiences with my first; potty training, disciplining, teaching reading and writing skills etc. I will never forget the "firsts"
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
My hard road into motherhood
As I look at the calendar and get excited about the upcoming year, I think back to the 2010 year I've had.
After my first year into motherhood, I think I could describe my experience as a time of "blood, sweat, and lots of tears, yet many smiles, laughters, and cheers" If anyone was to ask me what I expected in my first child, I definitely couldn't have predicted my baby girl. It hasn't all been bad, but I have to say it has been the one of the hardest years of my life!!!
Within these last few months I started reading a book that helped put into prospective all of the emotions I was feeling as a woman, a first time mom, a wife, etc. It went along perfectly with the weekly group Bible Study I was doing as well. From Patsy Clairmont book, "I second that Emotion-Untangling Our Zany Feelings" I copied so many quotes, Bible verses, and sayings to commit to memory. The last chapter of the book expressed well what I think I am trying to convey through all of my first year experiences into motherhood.
Scriptures to Ponder with this: Jeremiah 29: 4-14. Jerusalem had been invaded and some of its inhabitants taken into captivity in Babylon. Others remained behind only to be deported later. From Jerusalem, Jeremiah wrote a letter to those already living in Babylon. In the letter, we see a strategy for dealing with life's problems.
1. God knows where we are (v.4)
Life is full of situations we wish we didn't have to experience. Even though we don't know what the future holds, we have a God who does know.
2. The problem isn't a destination (vv.5-6) In the midst of the problems, life goes on. . We can't pull down the shades and have a month-long pity party. Though it may seem like it, the situation is temporary in light of eternity.
3. You have something to do (vv. 7-9). Your most powerful witness might come from the midst of the storm. Keep your eyes on God. Don't fall for the wisdom of this world. Keep pointing people to him even when you don't know what's next.
"Our problems in life serve to help us strengthen our roots so that we can be strong against future storms and we can become shelter for those who run to us for help." Least I can do now, is be of help to future first time mothers and be their support, like others were to me. I went through a lot of hardships, but its just the beginning.
So here is to a new year with my ONE YEAR OLD!!!
After my first year into motherhood, I think I could describe my experience as a time of "blood, sweat, and lots of tears, yet many smiles, laughters, and cheers" If anyone was to ask me what I expected in my first child, I definitely couldn't have predicted my baby girl. It hasn't all been bad, but I have to say it has been the one of the hardest years of my life!!!
I've been through some hellish few months, questioning my motherhood abilities, battling some emotions of jealousy and anger, transitioning from working woman to stay at home mom, visiting doctors and psychologists, and even starting anti-depressant medication. I make it sound horrible, but really its just what it is. I have been blessed with a BEAUTIFUL, smart, healthy baby girl. Yet, at times I didn't feel blessed. I struggled with Charlize's "colicky" months. She never slept except on me or if I was carrying her or wearing her EVERYWHERE. She hated her car seat and screamed bloody murder when in it, couldn't sleep in her crib for the first 8 months, and for several months I was sleep deprived waking every other hour. I admit there were moments I thought I could seriously hurt her because she cried ALL the time. I struggled with the transition from working to being at home ALL the time with a baby. I became envious of friends who had babies that slept through the night after 2 months, liked their car seats enough to go places in them and sleep in them. I was jealous that they had babies that slept in their crib, and overall had "easier' babies than me (from what I thought). I made my walk-in-closet my "happy place" and would just cry for several minutes of the day asking God, "WHY did I get the child I got, where is the blessing?!" Chris and I fought all the time and because of Charlize's sleeplessness, Chris lacked the sleep for work. We almost divorced back in July due to the stress, the name calling, constant arguments, either related or non related to our child. Some things that I still "record" in my head, bother me, but I have to continue to tell myself that it won't always be this way.
I know everyone has their "seasons" and things do get better. It's hard to believe that in about two weeks Charlize will be ONE YEAR OLD!! She has been sleeping through the night in her crib for the last 2 months now! She has been walking since Thanksgiving! It still surprises me to look at my daughter, as she now walks from room to room, smiling, laughing, and babbling to me in her own language, that this little person came from me.
Chris and I have gone to counseling with our pastor at church and are working on communication and some other issues in our marriage. We still have some issues to work through, but that's marriage. I saw a psychologist a few times over the last two month to just talk through some things going on with me. I also admit now I have some postpartum depression, so I am taking medication for it.. I make it a point to get out and be a part of mommy groups, church things, and other activities to keep busy and get out of the house every day. I hired a babysitter who is great with Charlize and Chris and I try to get out on dates when we can.
I have to also thanks some of my biggest supporters for sending their hugs and encouraging words through phone calls, emails, and the occasional outings to reassure me that I was not alone! Without their encouragement and love, I probably wouldn't have much sanity left.
Within these last few months I started reading a book that helped put into prospective all of the emotions I was feeling as a woman, a first time mom, a wife, etc. It went along perfectly with the weekly group Bible Study I was doing as well. From Patsy Clairmont book, "I second that Emotion-Untangling Our Zany Feelings" I copied so many quotes, Bible verses, and sayings to commit to memory. The last chapter of the book expressed well what I think I am trying to convey through all of my first year experiences into motherhood.
Scriptures to Ponder with this: Jeremiah 29: 4-14. Jerusalem had been invaded and some of its inhabitants taken into captivity in Babylon. Others remained behind only to be deported later. From Jerusalem, Jeremiah wrote a letter to those already living in Babylon. In the letter, we see a strategy for dealing with life's problems.
1. God knows where we are (v.4)
Life is full of situations we wish we didn't have to experience. Even though we don't know what the future holds, we have a God who does know.
2. The problem isn't a destination (vv.5-6) In the midst of the problems, life goes on. . We can't pull down the shades and have a month-long pity party. Though it may seem like it, the situation is temporary in light of eternity.
3. You have something to do (vv. 7-9). Your most powerful witness might come from the midst of the storm. Keep your eyes on God. Don't fall for the wisdom of this world. Keep pointing people to him even when you don't know what's next.
"Our problems in life serve to help us strengthen our roots so that we can be strong against future storms and we can become shelter for those who run to us for help." Least I can do now, is be of help to future first time mothers and be their support, like others were to me. I went through a lot of hardships, but its just the beginning.
So here is to a new year with my ONE YEAR OLD!!!
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Military Life
I have been in military all of my life. I grew up seeing uniforms of every color and every branch from Army, Navy, and Air Force. Grandpas on both sides serving Army and Navy, and then my own Dad served the Air Force. Not to mention the slew of uncles, aunts, cousins, and friends who later joined one branch of service or another. So, growing up I saw the lifestyle my mom led, being an officer's wife, most days raising three kids solo. I grew up thinking, "I'll never marry military!" As the old saying goes, "Never say never" I dated some military and ended up marrying a military man. So I was destined to go from military 'brat' to military wife.
I hold so much pride for all of our service men and women, especially my own husband, that I rather enjoy the lifestyle. So, after my husband went from Infantry to Aviation, I was even more proud of my husband for training to become a helicopter pilot. He no longer would be jumping out of aircrafts, but rather flying an aircraft. So learning aviation lingo and other things in the aviation unit of the Army has been rather exciting, yet exhausting. The pilot Hubby is going through training of his own, while I am going through training of being a first time mom, going solo! It takes a strong woman to be a military wife! I can't say it enough.
On any number of trips through Ft.Rucker base, I pass by Lowe Airfield where the Blackhawks are grounded. It didn't have much significance to me until the hubby found out he would be flying Blackhawks. Now as I pass by the Lowe Airfield, I have to smile, looking at the line of Blackhawks. I can say, "Yes, my husband flies those." It fills me with so much pride and joy knowing he is training to fly these aircrafts. It also makes me realize how much a family sacrifices for a pilot in training. I know my soldier sacrificed a lot with three tours to Iraq and one with a 15 month length, but now my pilot sacrifices a lot just training and studying his aircraft to become a pilot. The family sacrifices more long absences and long training months.
I will always be proud of my husband for his dedication and service, once on the ground, and now in the air. But, I must always be strong for both of us. It's not easy being married to military. I got a text from a friend today about a Oh-58D (Kiowa) helicopter crash that happened last night, killing the Instructor Pilot and injuring the student pilot. It got me thinking about how dangerous the life of a military soldier really is. It doesn't matter if he is on the ground or in the air. No place is really "safe". As much as I don't want to think about it, I must think about the "what if's" and be prepared if God forbid something happens to my soldier. Every family member married or related to military will always have that in the back of their mind when that loved one straps on his gear and heads out on a mission or places that helmet on his head and steps into that helicopter. Helicopter Crash
It amazes me how strong mentally and physically my husband is after 10 years in the military. The good Lord has kept him safe through 3 deployments and so far while he flies in the air for training. Every thing he does poses a danger to himself, but its the life and the job. I sit here tonight thinking about the families of the two pilots that were in that Kiowa yesterday night. One family is without their husband and father of a 4 and 2 year old this Christmas. Another family sits beside their pilot in the hospital, praying for a safe recovery from his injuries. No one will understand more than a military family member what sacrifices they all make to serve this great nation.
I love my pilot, but even more so, after hearing the tragic crash yesterday night, I must remember to pray to God to keep a hedge of protection over my husband every time he steps into a Blackhawk helicopter. I wouldn't trade my life of a military wife. I just have more strength than I ever thought I would.
I hold so much pride for all of our service men and women, especially my own husband, that I rather enjoy the lifestyle. So, after my husband went from Infantry to Aviation, I was even more proud of my husband for training to become a helicopter pilot. He no longer would be jumping out of aircrafts, but rather flying an aircraft. So learning aviation lingo and other things in the aviation unit of the Army has been rather exciting, yet exhausting. The pilot Hubby is going through training of his own, while I am going through training of being a first time mom, going solo! It takes a strong woman to be a military wife! I can't say it enough.
On any number of trips through Ft.Rucker base, I pass by Lowe Airfield where the Blackhawks are grounded. It didn't have much significance to me until the hubby found out he would be flying Blackhawks. Now as I pass by the Lowe Airfield, I have to smile, looking at the line of Blackhawks. I can say, "Yes, my husband flies those." It fills me with so much pride and joy knowing he is training to fly these aircrafts. It also makes me realize how much a family sacrifices for a pilot in training. I know my soldier sacrificed a lot with three tours to Iraq and one with a 15 month length, but now my pilot sacrifices a lot just training and studying his aircraft to become a pilot. The family sacrifices more long absences and long training months.
I will always be proud of my husband for his dedication and service, once on the ground, and now in the air. But, I must always be strong for both of us. It's not easy being married to military. I got a text from a friend today about a Oh-58D (Kiowa) helicopter crash that happened last night, killing the Instructor Pilot and injuring the student pilot. It got me thinking about how dangerous the life of a military soldier really is. It doesn't matter if he is on the ground or in the air. No place is really "safe". As much as I don't want to think about it, I must think about the "what if's" and be prepared if God forbid something happens to my soldier. Every family member married or related to military will always have that in the back of their mind when that loved one straps on his gear and heads out on a mission or places that helmet on his head and steps into that helicopter. Helicopter Crash
It amazes me how strong mentally and physically my husband is after 10 years in the military. The good Lord has kept him safe through 3 deployments and so far while he flies in the air for training. Every thing he does poses a danger to himself, but its the life and the job. I sit here tonight thinking about the families of the two pilots that were in that Kiowa yesterday night. One family is without their husband and father of a 4 and 2 year old this Christmas. Another family sits beside their pilot in the hospital, praying for a safe recovery from his injuries. No one will understand more than a military family member what sacrifices they all make to serve this great nation.
I love my pilot, but even more so, after hearing the tragic crash yesterday night, I must remember to pray to God to keep a hedge of protection over my husband every time he steps into a Blackhawk helicopter. I wouldn't trade my life of a military wife. I just have more strength than I ever thought I would.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Whine down!
How do other mom's do it?? I mean, I spend a majority of my day cleaning up, feeding Charlize, watching her and pulling her from everything in sight now that she is walking and getting into everything and I barely have time to wash myself, brush my teeth in peace or even EAT! When she naps, its only an hour, so I end up picking and choosing what I need to do first. Most times that cleaning up the house from the mornings breakfast. When she naps in the afternoon, I am making phone calls or checking on email real quick or getting that late lunch I never got earlier. I always want to sit and do a bible reading, write in this blog I've started, or something else, but by the end of my day, I am so exhausted, all I want to do is veg out on my couch and do NOTHING.
I still haven't figured out how to balance everything. I chose not to go to work because I much rather watch and raise my daughter. I know she is benefiting from having me every day. I don't mind that, but sometimes I wish I could work from home. I barely get the chance to return an email or read a book before she is up again from her nap. As I fastly type this now, I am listening to Charlize CRY her tantrum cry after having only slept 35 min MAX. This mornings nap was maybe 45 minutes. Most days I can't complain, she gets a good solid hour or maybe if I am lucky, an hour and a half. BUT STILL! How do most moms do it? I am asking sincerely. I have one and I am going mad! I have several friends with 2, 3, and 4 kids! So, is it just that maybe I am weak as a mom. I think one more is all I can handle! I originally wanted 3 kids, being one of three myself, but now I am not so sure I can even handle the one I do have and she is 11 months.
I even hate to admit that I am a little envious of the friends I have, who's kids, for the most part, were "good" kids. I had the colicky, non sleeping child, and dealt with that issue for the first 6 1/2 months. Now that she is sleeping somewhat through the night, I still have issues with her fussiness. She is very active and involved in everything. I am just worn out with my one that I wonder if I was even meant to be a mom.
There is no wine with my "wine down" and unfortunately, its all just to whine!
I still haven't figured out how to balance everything. I chose not to go to work because I much rather watch and raise my daughter. I know she is benefiting from having me every day. I don't mind that, but sometimes I wish I could work from home. I barely get the chance to return an email or read a book before she is up again from her nap. As I fastly type this now, I am listening to Charlize CRY her tantrum cry after having only slept 35 min MAX. This mornings nap was maybe 45 minutes. Most days I can't complain, she gets a good solid hour or maybe if I am lucky, an hour and a half. BUT STILL! How do most moms do it? I am asking sincerely. I have one and I am going mad! I have several friends with 2, 3, and 4 kids! So, is it just that maybe I am weak as a mom. I think one more is all I can handle! I originally wanted 3 kids, being one of three myself, but now I am not so sure I can even handle the one I do have and she is 11 months.
I even hate to admit that I am a little envious of the friends I have, who's kids, for the most part, were "good" kids. I had the colicky, non sleeping child, and dealt with that issue for the first 6 1/2 months. Now that she is sleeping somewhat through the night, I still have issues with her fussiness. She is very active and involved in everything. I am just worn out with my one that I wonder if I was even meant to be a mom.
There is no wine with my "wine down" and unfortunately, its all just to whine!
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The "wine" down
Introduction entry
This is the part of my day that I truly find therapeutic, a glass of wine in hand and a few quiet moments alone. A busy stay at home mom really needs more than 24 hours in her day! I know most moms will agree. After the kids are in bed (husband included in that) and all is quiet in the house, a mom just needs at least two extra hours to do anything that pleases herself! A shower before bed or a time to do some bible reading is always included in my few minutes of peace and quiet, but really I just look forward to that glass of wine after a hard day's work!
I used to think that I had one of the hardest jobs in the world! After finishing college at 22, I walked into a classroom full of 30 raging hormonal teenagers times 4 classes a day. For the next four years I taught English to 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th graders! After managing 100 plus kids and trying to teach them the difference between a noun and verb, a glass of wine or two was my saving grace! Now after having a child, I realize that there is NO JOB harder than being a mother!
I raise a glass of White Zinfindel tonight and cheer all hard working mom's! Every mom needs a few hours at the end of the day to "wine-down"!!
This is the part of my day that I truly find therapeutic, a glass of wine in hand and a few quiet moments alone. A busy stay at home mom really needs more than 24 hours in her day! I know most moms will agree. After the kids are in bed (husband included in that) and all is quiet in the house, a mom just needs at least two extra hours to do anything that pleases herself! A shower before bed or a time to do some bible reading is always included in my few minutes of peace and quiet, but really I just look forward to that glass of wine after a hard day's work!
I used to think that I had one of the hardest jobs in the world! After finishing college at 22, I walked into a classroom full of 30 raging hormonal teenagers times 4 classes a day. For the next four years I taught English to 9th, 10th, 11th, and 12th graders! After managing 100 plus kids and trying to teach them the difference between a noun and verb, a glass of wine or two was my saving grace! Now after having a child, I realize that there is NO JOB harder than being a mother!
I raise a glass of White Zinfindel tonight and cheer all hard working mom's! Every mom needs a few hours at the end of the day to "wine-down"!!
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